Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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