The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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