i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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