I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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