It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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