he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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