I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
