if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
