Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
