I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
