I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
