We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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