i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
