I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sober January is a disaster.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
