WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
