hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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