the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
