i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
