When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
