I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
