i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
