Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
