and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize