U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
