Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
