yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
