Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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