Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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