you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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