and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
