Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
