So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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