I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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