Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
