I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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