I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
