grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have fence marks all over my body
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
