I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
