I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
