The police scanner is talking about you again....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize