i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
