I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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