Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize