I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
