You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
