My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize