Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am available for nakedness
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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