So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
