Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
