why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
