I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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