He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
