i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize