Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
