A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is classic penis vs brain.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
