i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
