"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
