all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
