U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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