What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
