So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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