Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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