sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
