i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
