I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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