My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
