my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
