"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
