In the future we'll all be gay
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i will never coherently bang her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
