Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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