Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
