He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
