He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
