you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
