we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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