I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
